Yesterday, I headed out to buy cat food. I parked my car, went into the store, pulled out a shopping cart, looked around … and realized that I was at Staples. (True, the pet store is just next door. Still, this is a first.)
For the past few days, I’ve been unusually distracted and distractable, anxious, and unsettled. Being threatened with eviction will do that to you. At least, it will to me. My thoughts are shooting in all directions, but everything seems hazy. I’m doing my best to get things done without knowing what to do.
Back home from errands, it occurred to me that I need to simplify. I need to be clear about what I’ll do – and what I will not. Here’s my first crack at setting down a set of personal guidelines (a sort of mini-experiment within my experiment of nesting).
1. Write something every day. (Because writing always makes things better.)
2. Get at least some exercise every day. (And yes, a walk counts.)
3. Look for a place to live.
4. Do something soothing / nice for myself each day.
I will not:
1. Expect myself to be operating at full capacity.
2. Tell myself I shouldn’t be so distressed — or anything else that I, in fact, am.
3. Do one more thing that I don’t want to do unless I really have to.
4. Draw conclusions about what any of this means
5. Give myself a hard time for eating weird meals (cottage cheese and carrots anyone?) or relying on prepared food. (Yes, I could make it more cheaply myself, and I will again. Just not now.)
So in the course of the day, I took a long walk, did some writing, and checked out real estate listings before springing for a raspberry lemonade at Cup and Top. At the moment, making lemonade out of life’s lemons feels a bit beyond me. But real lemonade on a summer day is a pretty good distraction.
© 2012, amy gutman. All rights reserved.