Wherever you go there you are? Not necessarily

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A year ago today, I was packing up my Cambridge apartment a stone’s throw from Harvard Square and preparing to return to Northampton, the bucolic western Massachusetts college town where I’d previously lived for two years in the early aughts.

I’d been in Cambridge for six years, and a hard six years it was. I’m still not quite sure why. It was the third time I’d lived in the storied educational mecca, home to Harvard, MIT, and countless brilliant minds. I’d been there twice as a student. This time I was back for a job at Harvard Law School, where I ultimately wound up writing speeches for then-Dean (now U.S. Supreme Court Justice) Elena Kagan.

It was a pretty great job in a pretty great city, but for some reason my life never really came together there.  Most difficult—and puzzling—of all was the fact that I couldn’t seem to make friends. Being single, my friends have always been especially important to me, and not having any good friends close at hand—well, it was quite a challenge.

In fairness, by the time I moved, I’d manage to collect a handful of intimates, but given the time and effort I put in, the results were pretty paltry.  Was it me? I wondered. It had to be me. After all, who wouldn’t like Cambridge?

This was pretty much the way my thoughts were going when my boss decamped for Washington, D.C., and my Harvard job abruptly ended in the spring of 2009. At the time, it seemed to make sense to just stay put. I had a strong professional network in the Boston area, and even with the Great Recession upon us, the region’s job market was still relatively robust (at least compared to other places).

Over the next year-plus, I picked up freelance projects and other short-term work, but more and more, I found myself pining to return to western Mass. While I’d last lived in Northampton a decade before, I’d made frequent trips back to see friends, and I loved my weekend visits. Still, I sternly reminded myself, mini-vacations are not real life. Making a move wouldn’t change any of the very real difficulties facing me. I’d still be jobless, looking for work, still financially strained. I’d still be single (which is great if you choose it, but the fact is, I had not).

Also: I already knew from experience that just because I thought a change would make my life better didn’t mean that it would. Psychologists have a fancy name for this—affective forecasting error—the idea being that we humans are notoriously poor predictors of what will make us happy.

Wherever you go there you are. The saying stuck in my mind. Everyone knows that you can’t change your life by simply changing your surroundings–and lest you have any lingering doubt, research bears this out.  In one often-cited study, researchers found that people who believed they would be happier living in California actually would not be. I couldn’t help but suspect that Northampton might be my personal California (albeit a far chillier and less sunny one).

And so it went until my unhappiness reached the point that even an unlikely option seemed worth the risk. I didn’t know what else to do. Plus, I couldn’t help thinking—or at least hoping—that a move might serve as a jump start.

I was encouraged to find some support for this notion in journalist Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success. There, Gladwell recounts the story of Roseto, Pennsylvania, a bustling self-sufficient town established in the nineteenth century by immigrants from a single Italian village. In the 1950s, a physician discovered that the town’s residents enjoyed astonishingly good health, with men over 65 dying from heart disease at half the rate of the United States as a whole, and with death rates from all causes 30% to 35% lower than expected. After significant research aimed at controlling for variables–diet, genetics, exercise–researchers concluded that, remarkably enough, residents’ health could be traced to nothing more than the fabric of town life, with its rich social bonds and traditions.

Maybe I was grasping at straws, but this seemed promising. It seemed to suggest that while “moving to California” might not in itself boost happiness, the sense of belonging to a vibrant community could have a profound impact. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that this made total sense. After all, wasn’t it likely that I’d be happier in a place that I knew and loved, surrounded by people I cared about and who cared about me?

Moreover, I was able to garner research to back me up. Again and again, close relationships with family and friends have been shown to be one of the strongest proven predictors of happiness.

Reader, I moved.

And as I approach my one-year anniversary in Northampton, I’m delighted to tell you that I am indeed far, far happier than I was before. While the move certainly hasn’t fixed everything—I’m still looking for work, still looking for love—I’m deeply grateful for my life here. Along with the welcome infusion of human warmth and connection, I cherish the texture of daily life: stopping by the farm down the street to pick up eggs, playing board games with my friends’ kids, working with Friends of Children and Treehouse, local organizations doing cutting-edge work aimed at transforming the nation’s foster care system. The list goes on.

The moral of the story? Changing your surroundings won’t necessarily change your life. But then again: It might.

© 2011 – 2013, amy gutman. All rights reserved.

10 thoughts on “Wherever you go there you are? Not necessarily

  1. I paraphrased this post for my mother recently, who is considering moving (again). It makes a firm argument that relocating can be fulfilling.

    Hope your search for a new place to live has been fruitful.

  2. I am definitely poor at forecasting what will make me happy. Over the years, I made moves for jobs and didn’t want to leave where I was. Yet each move has proved to be wonderful and incredibly enriching. That said, I still miss my Noho community, but at least I still have it on FB and it’s not so far away that I can’t visit. Community is very important to happiness, I think!

  3. So glad you are a deviation from affective forecasting, and s glad to have you in my life.

  4. Amy – I’m so glad you have found a community in Northampton! Cambridge and Boston are tough, brainy and sometimes distant places. Keep on reaching out. Margie

  5. Well, you know how I feel about moving! Sure, there’s no guaranty that moving will make you happier. But if you’re not happy where you are, change is good thing. If nothing else, you can at least feel good about being proactive, and your problems will be different. I always like to diversify my misery portfolio.

  6. Personally, I think there’s something weirdly unpleasant about Boston (and, by extension, Cambridge). I spent a year there and was miserable. It’s very hard to meet people, which is surprising given all the theoretically interesting, smart people around. But, after a year, I hadn’t made a single friend.

    Having moved to California, I make new friends all the time!

    People might not be perfect predictors of what will make them happy, but place definitely matters. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s having like-minded people around, but where you choose to live can make a huge difference in your quality of life!

    • That was pretty much exactly my experience, Alison–complete with the accompanying thought process. So glad you are happy in California!

  7. I’m really intrigued by the sense of place and why some seem to feel so good and how it seems you can’t make the wrong place work no matter what you do. I think it is even bigger than the smalltown/city difference. A few years ago, I thought I wanted to put down roots in New Mexico. I was on the outskirts of Santa Fe in a smaller town.

    I registered to vote, got a drivers license, started trying to create a community of intimates. I had one nightmare experience after another: parties that I compared to hell, friend of friend connections that never led to promised lunches, and old friends who were in town and somehow forgot to call me until I moved away. The harder I tried, the more isolated I felt. It was a stark contrast to anywhere I had ever lived before.

    A few years later, I was house-sitting in Manitou Springs, Colorado, a small town outside of Colorado Springs. Every time I turned around, I was meeting another interesting person. In two weeks, I felt like I was part of the town. I’m seriously considering moving there.

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